Physician, Heal Thyself

Recorder on.

The camera again shows the Screen Room on the Midnight's Embrace. Mortis looks worn out, both physically and mentally, and seems barely focused on the plethora of information.

It's definitely getting worse.

I still can't believe I did it. I've always thought that my condition, although ever-present, was controllable. That the only time it ever had free reign was in the middle of a battle.

He reaches out for a bottle of something that looks positively caustic, takes a gulp, then makes a face and throws the bottle aside. There is a thud as it hits a wall offscreen.

Who am I kidding. Alcohol hasn't helped since before Intel, all I'm doing is killing brain cells... the last time I got drunk, I nearly killed someone. Control, control, control....

I saw Kimochi in the Skyhook. Not looking too happy, definitely hitting the bottle... went over to provide some company. My guesses about the problem, her relationship with Vincent Pryce, proved correct.

He allows himself a small, satisfied smile, then waves a hand angrily, his expression darkening again.

Look at me. Proud about rooting out the details of a sordid relationship between corpmates. Ridiculous.

He broods for a moment.

We started chatting. All harmless, all innocent. Then I start to leave to get some sleep... and suddenly I've offered to have Vincent killed. Tried to make light of it, all a joke, haha, but I was shaken. And she knew that I hadn't been joking. I could see in her eyes that she was tempted.

Her reaction doesn't surprise me. But me... Vincent has done nothing to me. Doesn't matter that he's effectively immortal, that arranging an accident would just be a rather brutal way of making a point about how to run your personal affairs... he's a corpmate, a colleague. We've flown together and been a good team.

He slumps a little in the chair.

It would have even been kind of ok if the offer had been prompted purely by sympathy for Kimochi. She's a nice girl, the most welcoming of the leadership... Myrhial is a little distant, Yishal bound by the forms of rank and discipline, Aria always off somewhere else. Makes me wonder how she ended up with the Angels... maybe I'll ask her some time.

But no, it wasn't just a kind of brotherly protectiveness. I just wanted to kill, and Pryce was a suitable target to latch onto.

She said no, of course. What else could she say? The Skyhook might be a Ghost establishment, but there are still ears to hear. But my god, the potential consequences... if she calls to take me up on the offer in the depths of some dark mood... how am I supposed to react? Even if she doesn't, she saw with her own eyes my uglier side. What if she becomes concerned about my ability to fly as part of the team?

And I'm not sure that she wouldn't be right.

He continues staring blankly at the screens until the camera goes into standby.

Recorder off.