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Recorder on.
The view is of a massive room, a library. Many of the titles are rare and in pristine condition, the collection of an ancient noble family. Repentence looks at the camera thoughtfully, elaborate red tattoos looping over her features.
Funny how long it is since I used one of these. Not since leaving Morwen...
God, I was a mess then. A total headcase, not knowing if I was coming or going. Stuck with the Cartel, confused and lost.
Now... I've got everything I could wish for. I've got my family estates back. I'm running them. I've got a little slice of paradise, on Khanid Prime no less. The place where I grew up. I'm surrounded by people I care for and that care for me. Morwen keeps me company, she's even funded a reactivation of my license. Flying an Apocalypse and burning down the enemies of the Kingdom...
Perfect life, no?
So why am I sinking downward?
Charity.
Charity, Math'ra... Vince... and more. Cruoris' idea of entertainment. The things she'd go out to do during her alone time.
And the things I still want to do. I'm 'cured', no more clinical insanity, no more split personality. I'm just left with borderline psychopathic urges and... the memories.
I haven't acted on them - beyond the rituals with Morwen, those help. The urges or the memories... The raw will I needed to pull the shattered bits of my mind back together also helps. So I just draw.
She's asked about them once or twice, but... it's my only outlet. Since Masque has vanished, along with my brother and the rest of his crew...
She smirks.
Mind you, Elysa would kill me for calling her one of his.
The smile fades.
I wish I knew what happened to them.
I wish I could just... stop remembering.
A slightly built young woman with a vaguely Gallentean appearance appears in view. She makes a rapid series of gestures.
I'll be right there.
She stares at the camera for a while, then switches it off.
Recorder off.
Showing posts with label Repentence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Repentence. Show all posts
Friday, 25 November 2011
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Repentence: Splinters of my Soul
Recorder on.
The view is of a comfortable room, possibly on a carrier judging by the size. Repentence is evidently packing to leave.
I feel sick.
I hate myself. I want to hate myself. Yet... somehow... I can't, for the same reason why I want to.
She scowls bitterly.
Because I'm... happy.
She spits the word.
There's been a tension in my mind that's been there for so long that I didn't even realise it was there. I feel like I've been banging my head against a brick wall for months without knowing, and suddenly, I've stopped, and accursed relief is flooding my body. All because I've hurt some in a place they've already been crippled in.
I look around this place, knowing that I might never see it again, that I might never sleep in that bed, curl up by the fire... and all I can think about is the fact that for the first time ever, the tension is gone. That all three of me are content with each other, not arguing, not disagreeing, not disapproving. I almost feel normal. Then someone pipes up with a remark, or they squabble over nothing, and I'm reminded that I'm not.
I guess... I hope... Morwen will get over it. She got over Lilly, she can get over me.
Funny to think that I haven't been single since Inara invited me to look around her carrier back in Tzvi. And now I am... and part of me aches for company, and the rest just wants to crawl into a dark spot and be glad of being alone.
It's not like I've got many choices for who to go out with. Sure as hell not going back to Inara, not after what she said last time. I don't give a fuck what she thinks. I'm not hers, not any more. She's not even an Angel. She can say what she likes, she's a fucking Rabbit, the fact that she's staying as one instead of coming back to Naraka proves it.
She broods for a moment, and vanishes from view. She returns shortly afterwards with an armful of assorted knives. She pauses, holding one up, and smiles bitterly.
You know, I really thought I was different. Mother, father, Charity, Purity, Mortis - all of them showed me time and again that they could only be happy if someone else was suffering. I thought I'd escaped that, that I wasn't one of them, that I could be just a harmless, happy little girl.
I guess blood always tells.
I don't know what I'll do now. Part of me just wants to leave. Leave everything, sever ties, go join the Nation or Electus Matari, something radical, clean slate, fresh start. But I know that's dumb. Even if the Cartel didn't have their claws dug deeper into me than would be easy to extricate myself from, it's a small universe. It wouldn't be an escape, not really.
I look back on the naive little girl that I once was, and... I don't know whether to pity or envy her.
Life sucks sometimes.
All I know is that if I'd been kicked out of the academy, gone crawling back home and begged for forgiveness... I'd probably have been happier.
Who says being a demigod is fun and games?
It's ruined my life, and not just mine.
She looks away for a moment, then takes one of the knives and carefully slices into her palm, before placing the bloody weapon on the bedside table. She looks at it for a time, then sighs and reaches out to turn off the camera.
Oh, Ash, send a request to blank my security clearance here, will you? And blank the security feed, Morwen doesn't need to hear me ranting. And... take care of her, won't you?
Recorder off.
The view is of a comfortable room, possibly on a carrier judging by the size. Repentence is evidently packing to leave.
I feel sick.
I hate myself. I want to hate myself. Yet... somehow... I can't, for the same reason why I want to.
She scowls bitterly.
Because I'm... happy.
She spits the word.
There's been a tension in my mind that's been there for so long that I didn't even realise it was there. I feel like I've been banging my head against a brick wall for months without knowing, and suddenly, I've stopped, and accursed relief is flooding my body. All because I've hurt some in a place they've already been crippled in.
I look around this place, knowing that I might never see it again, that I might never sleep in that bed, curl up by the fire... and all I can think about is the fact that for the first time ever, the tension is gone. That all three of me are content with each other, not arguing, not disagreeing, not disapproving. I almost feel normal. Then someone pipes up with a remark, or they squabble over nothing, and I'm reminded that I'm not.
I guess... I hope... Morwen will get over it. She got over Lilly, she can get over me.
Funny to think that I haven't been single since Inara invited me to look around her carrier back in Tzvi. And now I am... and part of me aches for company, and the rest just wants to crawl into a dark spot and be glad of being alone.
It's not like I've got many choices for who to go out with. Sure as hell not going back to Inara, not after what she said last time. I don't give a fuck what she thinks. I'm not hers, not any more. She's not even an Angel. She can say what she likes, she's a fucking Rabbit, the fact that she's staying as one instead of coming back to Naraka proves it.
She broods for a moment, and vanishes from view. She returns shortly afterwards with an armful of assorted knives. She pauses, holding one up, and smiles bitterly.
You know, I really thought I was different. Mother, father, Charity, Purity, Mortis - all of them showed me time and again that they could only be happy if someone else was suffering. I thought I'd escaped that, that I wasn't one of them, that I could be just a harmless, happy little girl.
I guess blood always tells.
I don't know what I'll do now. Part of me just wants to leave. Leave everything, sever ties, go join the Nation or Electus Matari, something radical, clean slate, fresh start. But I know that's dumb. Even if the Cartel didn't have their claws dug deeper into me than would be easy to extricate myself from, it's a small universe. It wouldn't be an escape, not really.
I look back on the naive little girl that I once was, and... I don't know whether to pity or envy her.
Life sucks sometimes.
All I know is that if I'd been kicked out of the academy, gone crawling back home and begged for forgiveness... I'd probably have been happier.
Who says being a demigod is fun and games?
It's ruined my life, and not just mine.
She looks away for a moment, then takes one of the knives and carefully slices into her palm, before placing the bloody weapon on the bedside table. She looks at it for a time, then sighs and reaches out to turn off the camera.
Oh, Ash, send a request to blank my security clearance here, will you? And blank the security feed, Morwen doesn't need to hear me ranting. And... take care of her, won't you?
Recorder off.
Sunday, 24 October 2010
Repentence: Spiralling
Recorder on.
The view is of a large, comfortable cabin that seems a bizarre mix of cultures. The original design was clearly Matari, but much of that has been replaced by a blend of clean, Civire utilitarian lines and smooth, yet slightly stark, Khanid designs. The view through the window is of a dockyard, and just visible are the razored wings of the ship itself, a Hurricane.
Repentence is slumped on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her nano-tattoos dormant and switched off.
I can't go on like this.
I haven't made an entry for a while. Didn't seem any point. My worries were either things I could tell Morwen, or that I had to hide from Cru or Ser. Now neither apply.
Inara asked me to go see her last night. Cru confessed what we'd done after Morwen went to see Lilly. I know I should feel guilty, but all I feel is hollow. I didn't even protest when Cru took us in there.
I almost wish Serenity was still the problem. She rarely even speaks a word to us now. Just takes the time we allocate her and goes to do whatever it is she wants. Kept secret, of course, but Ash says that it's nothing. Not even anything much productive. At least when she was an unrelenting bitch, I could run on anger, keep going through that. Now... my feelings are draining into nothingness.
But Inara and Cru talked for a bit... not hiding it from me, for a change. And then Inara asked to talk to me, and asked me when I was coming home. No suggestion, no question about if. She was absolutely certain I would. Looking back on it, Ser says that maybe she was just putting on an act to see how I'd react. I guess, as a consummate liar and actor herself, Ser would know.
I fled. What could I do? I told her that I wasn't going back to her. I asked her if she still loved me, and she... she said she did. Which I guess I knew, but the way she said it... it freaked me out.
She asked me who I'd go to for guidance, if not her. Said that I was too fractured, too disjointed to run my own life, and she's right. She laughed at the idea that Morwen could provide that, and... she was right again. Morwen tries. She's sweet and kind and patient, but... that's not enough. I don't know what is.
I told her that I'd go to Elysa, just for an answer. Said that I didn't need a mistress, didn't need a lover, didn't need anything but a firm hand, and Elysa's kicked me up the rear more than a few times. I was clawing for answers... and now I wonder if that's really true. That I don't need love, not now. If it's just one more complication in a life already too damn complicated.
It's getting harder and harder to feel anything. I look at Morwen, and I find it hard to see more than a friend. A close friend who I'd hate to lose, but... I can't live up to what she puts on me. She keeps naming ships after me... not to mention the feeling that I could clap my hands and she'd do anything I asked if it made me happy. Cru used to love that, but even she's beginning to find it awkward.
I wonder if this is how Mortis felt, when he lost his emotions? Everything just becoming dull?
She sits up, head in her hands.
Cru's no help. She's going through her own existential crisis, and I find it hard not to just yell at her that yes, she doesn't exist, she's just a broken bit of me. And Serenity says and does nothing, just leeching away my energy by her mere existence.
I'll have to go back to the carrier soon. Cru told Morwen that she didn't want to talk last night, after visiting Inara, but we'll have to talk eventually, and when we do...
I've often told her that I don't deserve her. I'm beginning to wonder what she did in a past life to deserve me. And Lilly before me, and Nacittal before that... she's like love's punching bag, each new relationship destructive in its own way.
I'll try and hold off talking about it. I think I've got another appointment with Dr Akell tomorrow. Maybe she'll help, though I'm not holding my breath.
The more I look back on it, the more I begin to wish I'd never become a capsuleer, that I'd never left the homeworld. Sure there have been good times... but has it been worth the pain and suffering?
Like fuck it has.
She says nothing for some minutes, then reaches out for the camera.
Recorder off.
The view is of a large, comfortable cabin that seems a bizarre mix of cultures. The original design was clearly Matari, but much of that has been replaced by a blend of clean, Civire utilitarian lines and smooth, yet slightly stark, Khanid designs. The view through the window is of a dockyard, and just visible are the razored wings of the ship itself, a Hurricane.
Repentence is slumped on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her nano-tattoos dormant and switched off.
I can't go on like this.
I haven't made an entry for a while. Didn't seem any point. My worries were either things I could tell Morwen, or that I had to hide from Cru or Ser. Now neither apply.
Inara asked me to go see her last night. Cru confessed what we'd done after Morwen went to see Lilly. I know I should feel guilty, but all I feel is hollow. I didn't even protest when Cru took us in there.
I almost wish Serenity was still the problem. She rarely even speaks a word to us now. Just takes the time we allocate her and goes to do whatever it is she wants. Kept secret, of course, but Ash says that it's nothing. Not even anything much productive. At least when she was an unrelenting bitch, I could run on anger, keep going through that. Now... my feelings are draining into nothingness.
But Inara and Cru talked for a bit... not hiding it from me, for a change. And then Inara asked to talk to me, and asked me when I was coming home. No suggestion, no question about if. She was absolutely certain I would. Looking back on it, Ser says that maybe she was just putting on an act to see how I'd react. I guess, as a consummate liar and actor herself, Ser would know.
I fled. What could I do? I told her that I wasn't going back to her. I asked her if she still loved me, and she... she said she did. Which I guess I knew, but the way she said it... it freaked me out.
She asked me who I'd go to for guidance, if not her. Said that I was too fractured, too disjointed to run my own life, and she's right. She laughed at the idea that Morwen could provide that, and... she was right again. Morwen tries. She's sweet and kind and patient, but... that's not enough. I don't know what is.
I told her that I'd go to Elysa, just for an answer. Said that I didn't need a mistress, didn't need a lover, didn't need anything but a firm hand, and Elysa's kicked me up the rear more than a few times. I was clawing for answers... and now I wonder if that's really true. That I don't need love, not now. If it's just one more complication in a life already too damn complicated.
It's getting harder and harder to feel anything. I look at Morwen, and I find it hard to see more than a friend. A close friend who I'd hate to lose, but... I can't live up to what she puts on me. She keeps naming ships after me... not to mention the feeling that I could clap my hands and she'd do anything I asked if it made me happy. Cru used to love that, but even she's beginning to find it awkward.
I wonder if this is how Mortis felt, when he lost his emotions? Everything just becoming dull?
She sits up, head in her hands.
Cru's no help. She's going through her own existential crisis, and I find it hard not to just yell at her that yes, she doesn't exist, she's just a broken bit of me. And Serenity says and does nothing, just leeching away my energy by her mere existence.
I'll have to go back to the carrier soon. Cru told Morwen that she didn't want to talk last night, after visiting Inara, but we'll have to talk eventually, and when we do...
I've often told her that I don't deserve her. I'm beginning to wonder what she did in a past life to deserve me. And Lilly before me, and Nacittal before that... she's like love's punching bag, each new relationship destructive in its own way.
I'll try and hold off talking about it. I think I've got another appointment with Dr Akell tomorrow. Maybe she'll help, though I'm not holding my breath.
The more I look back on it, the more I begin to wish I'd never become a capsuleer, that I'd never left the homeworld. Sure there have been good times... but has it been worth the pain and suffering?
Like fuck it has.
She says nothing for some minutes, then reaches out for the camera.
Recorder off.
Tuesday, 21 September 2010
Repentence: Disjointed
System Encryption Code Zeta Active. Data storage at 29%. Observation mode active. Currently active personality: Repentence. Nanotattoo matrix operational, current mode: debating.
You lied to us.
You chose to interpret my actions falsely. Don't blame me for your stupidity.
You lied to her, then.
And you haven't, my dear little bloodhound? You've been keeping things from all of us.
She's right.
That's my right, so shut the fuck up. Ash knows what was said, and she doesn't think it's important.
Oh yes, and she's wonderfully impartial. Aren't you, you AI bitch?
I'll choose to ignore that.
Don't you dare accuse me of being dishonest. We've all lied. We've all broken the rules. Even you, Repentence, so don't play the injured innocent. You lured that dock worker for us, and you enjoyed every moment.
...did not!
You can't lie to your own mind, stupid brat.
Even if I did, I'm not doing it again. You saw the look on Mor-
Morwen, Morwen, Morwen! Is there anything else in that tiny little mind of yours other than that stupid, gullible Intaki slut?
TAKE THAT BACK!
Make me.
Shut up, both of you. Can't you feel that headache?
And you're no better, Cruoris. You like to play the big bad Sani Sabik, but you're really under her thumb, just like Repentence. Don't want to risk upsetting her. Playing along, growling only when it doesn't matter.
You mechanised whore, I'll-
You'll what. Hurt me? How scary. You've got nothing on me. Just your silly impulsive anger. You know it's true.
"Reppy? Are you all right?"
Eyes open. Analysing image - average height Intaki woman, concerned expression. Nanotattoo changing modes to 'Repentence'.
"I'm fine. Why?"
"You've been a bit... quiet."
"I'm fine. Really. What were you saying?"
Time lapse. Notable events: switch of active personality to Serenity. Nanotattoo functioning at 96% success rate. Two games of Kalta played, Morwen lost both. Nanotattoo switching to 'debating'.
If I'm just playing along, what was that?
At least I don't cater to her every whim. It makes me sick, what you two do with her.
Hypocrite. You enjoy it just as much as we do.
Physical pleasure is hardly difficult to come by. It does not mean that I have to reflect on the experience with anything other than distaste. If you think otherwise, perhaps I should remind you of the sweet time you had with Vincent Pryce?
Shut the fuck up.
Don't like being reminded that you're an impulsive, retarded little bloodpuppy slut, do you? I'm surprised that the Cruor Infinitem still answers to you. If they knew what you get up to, they'd denounce you and blood you on the spot.
SHUT UP.
So easy to rile. So pathetic. So-
Serenity, please, stop it. You know that this doesn't achieve anything-
The mighty Cruoris can do no wrong, right?
I know that was my fault! I know, I know, I know! But it was YOURS as well! You voted!
Stop feeling smug, Sansha bitch!
I'll be as smug as I like. The look on Morwen's face when you confessed was wonderful.
I'LL-
System malfunction. Psychological reset in progress. Currently active personality: Nessie. Injecting sedatives, taking manual control. Host consciousness lost. Repositioning into sleeping posture. Nanotattoo going into standby. Comment, "I can't complain about this being a boring job."
You lied to us.
You chose to interpret my actions falsely. Don't blame me for your stupidity.
You lied to her, then.
And you haven't, my dear little bloodhound? You've been keeping things from all of us.
She's right.
That's my right, so shut the fuck up. Ash knows what was said, and she doesn't think it's important.
Oh yes, and she's wonderfully impartial. Aren't you, you AI bitch?
I'll choose to ignore that.
Don't you dare accuse me of being dishonest. We've all lied. We've all broken the rules. Even you, Repentence, so don't play the injured innocent. You lured that dock worker for us, and you enjoyed every moment.
...did not!
You can't lie to your own mind, stupid brat.
Even if I did, I'm not doing it again. You saw the look on Mor-
Morwen, Morwen, Morwen! Is there anything else in that tiny little mind of yours other than that stupid, gullible Intaki slut?
TAKE THAT BACK!
Make me.
Shut up, both of you. Can't you feel that headache?
And you're no better, Cruoris. You like to play the big bad Sani Sabik, but you're really under her thumb, just like Repentence. Don't want to risk upsetting her. Playing along, growling only when it doesn't matter.
You mechanised whore, I'll-
You'll what. Hurt me? How scary. You've got nothing on me. Just your silly impulsive anger. You know it's true.
"Reppy? Are you all right?"
Eyes open. Analysing image - average height Intaki woman, concerned expression. Nanotattoo changing modes to 'Repentence'.
"I'm fine. Why?"
"You've been a bit... quiet."
"I'm fine. Really. What were you saying?"
Time lapse. Notable events: switch of active personality to Serenity. Nanotattoo functioning at 96% success rate. Two games of Kalta played, Morwen lost both. Nanotattoo switching to 'debating'.
If I'm just playing along, what was that?
At least I don't cater to her every whim. It makes me sick, what you two do with her.
Hypocrite. You enjoy it just as much as we do.
Physical pleasure is hardly difficult to come by. It does not mean that I have to reflect on the experience with anything other than distaste. If you think otherwise, perhaps I should remind you of the sweet time you had with Vincent Pryce?
Shut the fuck up.
Don't like being reminded that you're an impulsive, retarded little bloodpuppy slut, do you? I'm surprised that the Cruor Infinitem still answers to you. If they knew what you get up to, they'd denounce you and blood you on the spot.
SHUT UP.
So easy to rile. So pathetic. So-
Serenity, please, stop it. You know that this doesn't achieve anything-
The mighty Cruoris can do no wrong, right?
I know that was my fault! I know, I know, I know! But it was YOURS as well! You voted!
Stop feeling smug, Sansha bitch!
I'll be as smug as I like. The look on Morwen's face when you confessed was wonderful.
I'LL-
System malfunction. Psychological reset in progress. Currently active personality: Nessie. Injecting sedatives, taking manual control. Host consciousness lost. Repositioning into sleeping posture. Nanotattoo going into standby. Comment, "I can't complain about this being a boring job."
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Repentence: Fragments
Recorder on.
Repentence sits inside a large, Achura-designed office; Inara's office. She looks drawn, tired and depressed.
I shouldn't have left home.
She gently flops her head back against the chair.
My life is tearing itself apart, and there's not a damn thing I can do. I'm barely in control any more, and yet it's all me. All my doing. I'm driving Morwen out of her mind with worry, and I can't help it.
I don't know who or what I am any more. I feel like, at any moment, I could change. I think back over the past few days, and it's a mess. Stuff I don't remember, abrupt moodswings for no reason... and then there's my drawing.
She looks glumly at a datapad.
I started it to try and help me focus. Masque said focus was good, before she stopped being able to talk to me. Thought I'd draw a picture of Morwen while she was asleep. I know I suck at drawing, so I didn't expect much from it, but I looked at it again just now, and... that's not what I drew. I did not draw this, I couldn't have done, I'd have been aware of it... right?
She seems on the brink of tears.
And sometimes I can feel her lurking. 'I'll be watching', she said. It feels like she could take over any time she likes, and that's fucking scary. All the more so because I'm beginning to remember what it's like when she does. A spectator in my own body, and there's nothing... nothing I can do.
She closes her eyes, and her temperament seems to change, her tears drying, her tone becoming harder, colder.
And you wonder why I refuse to let you have control? You're pathetic, weak. You let this situation dominate you. I'm what you should be. You're just a snivelling wreck. You lost your right to exist when you made me.
I... I did not fucking make you! Shut up! Go back to your hole, just... GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!
Silence. Tears roll down her cheeks.
Why can't this nightmare end... I want to wake up. I almost don't care if it means Morwen and Inara and everyone aren't real... I want to wake up and be back home, with mother scolding me for another night out... Charity giving me that oh-so-superior look... me not caring, planning my next outing...
I want my life back... I want my mind back...
She curls up on the chair, sobbing quietly for a while. Then Morwen's voice sounds from off camera. "Reppy?"
Repentence hurriedly sits up, wiping her face and putting on a bright smile before calling back.
Morwen, I thought we agreed that you'd leave me alone for an hour. Pleeeease? I need to finish this...
The response is inaudible, but sounds playfully sulky. Repentence sighs very quietly, looking back at the camera, her face a mask of depression. She whispers again.
I want my life back... any of them but this one...
She reaches out and fumbles to turn the camera off.
Recorder off.
Repentence sits inside a large, Achura-designed office; Inara's office. She looks drawn, tired and depressed.
I shouldn't have left home.
She gently flops her head back against the chair.
My life is tearing itself apart, and there's not a damn thing I can do. I'm barely in control any more, and yet it's all me. All my doing. I'm driving Morwen out of her mind with worry, and I can't help it.
I don't know who or what I am any more. I feel like, at any moment, I could change. I think back over the past few days, and it's a mess. Stuff I don't remember, abrupt moodswings for no reason... and then there's my drawing.
She looks glumly at a datapad.
I started it to try and help me focus. Masque said focus was good, before she stopped being able to talk to me. Thought I'd draw a picture of Morwen while she was asleep. I know I suck at drawing, so I didn't expect much from it, but I looked at it again just now, and... that's not what I drew. I did not draw this, I couldn't have done, I'd have been aware of it... right?
She seems on the brink of tears.
And sometimes I can feel her lurking. 'I'll be watching', she said. It feels like she could take over any time she likes, and that's fucking scary. All the more so because I'm beginning to remember what it's like when she does. A spectator in my own body, and there's nothing... nothing I can do.
She closes her eyes, and her temperament seems to change, her tears drying, her tone becoming harder, colder.
And you wonder why I refuse to let you have control? You're pathetic, weak. You let this situation dominate you. I'm what you should be. You're just a snivelling wreck. You lost your right to exist when you made me.
I... I did not fucking make you! Shut up! Go back to your hole, just... GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY LIFE!
Silence. Tears roll down her cheeks.
Why can't this nightmare end... I want to wake up. I almost don't care if it means Morwen and Inara and everyone aren't real... I want to wake up and be back home, with mother scolding me for another night out... Charity giving me that oh-so-superior look... me not caring, planning my next outing...
I want my life back... I want my mind back...
She curls up on the chair, sobbing quietly for a while. Then Morwen's voice sounds from off camera. "Reppy?"
Repentence hurriedly sits up, wiping her face and putting on a bright smile before calling back.
Morwen, I thought we agreed that you'd leave me alone for an hour. Pleeeease? I need to finish this...
The response is inaudible, but sounds playfully sulky. Repentence sighs very quietly, looking back at the camera, her face a mask of depression. She whispers again.
I want my life back... any of them but this one...
She reaches out and fumbles to turn the camera off.
Recorder off.
Friday, 30 October 2009
Interlude: Medical Reports
Subject: Repentence Tyrathlion
Status: Coma
Cause: Cybernetic virus
Notes:
Patient was submitted earlier today, already unconscious. Her breathing and pulse were both irregular, but not dangerously so.
Initial diagnosis was damaged implants, a not unheard of malady among Cyberknights. Subsequent investigation showed the cybernetics themselves to be intact, but that they were infected by some variety of virus.
Ms Tyrathlion caught this virus some weeks ago from a corrupted interface on a Sansha vessel, but it was thought to have been successfully purged from her system with no ill-effects. Apparently some parts were not excised, and it has successfully spread throughout her system.
It does not appear to be threatening her life, and with careful surveillance, she should be able to be kept alive indefinitely. However, investigations have revealed that the virus has spread to all her clones, both hard and soft, so until a means of clearing the virus from her system and - the harder part - deactivating the malicious commands it has created - it may be impossible to wake her.
We will, of course, continue our research into the matter, but it may simply be a matter of time...
-------------------
(OOC: Something a little different from her usual kidnapping... this is my way of ducking out of the RP scene, and Eve in general, for a while until uni lightens up.))
Saturday, 17 October 2009
Repentence: Blood, Family and Tradition
Recorder on.
Reppy stands, watching out of the window of her personal battleship, the old Apocalypse class Terrastra Draconis. The ship is apparently undocked, maybe in an asteroid field.
She seems to be toying with an amulet of some kind. When she holds it up to the sunlight, it becomes clear that it is a miniature khumaak.
Weird world. Something starts as a symbol of power and faith, and ends up as a symbol of freedom and anarchy.
I'd forgotten I had this. Saki gave it to me for my eighteenth. Must've been one of the few possessions she had, I was really touched...
I've been wondering more and more what happened to her. Hell, what happened to all of the underground crowd. People just sometimes vanished, and they took it in their stride. So I did as well, because... well, that was just how it was for them.
She broods for a while.
Now, looking back, I realise just how much I and every other Khanid and Amarrian just took them for granted. A permanent underclass, and they didn't care, because trying to change it was impossible.
It's funny. The blazing row I had with Cael has made me think. Clearly he loathes slavery in all its forms, and while I still think he's a narrow minded idiot, he might have a point. The old system back home is flawed.
I want to go back home.
She pauses for a time.
Not to stay or anything. But I'm beginning to feel like there's a lot of loose ends, a lot of things I should clear up. Thing is, it's not that safe. I'm sure there are people who would get twitchy over having a known associate of the Cartel poking around. I may not have a Concord record, but that won't matter to everyone.
We'll just have to see, I guess. Inara probably won't be happy, but she'll understand. She always does.
I can't pick up what I left behind. That's gone for good, and I'd have to sacrifice too much to get it back. But abandoning my past isn't the answer. I need to honour it in some way...
She watches the flash of mining lasers for a time, then reaches out.
Recorder off.
Reppy stands, watching out of the window of her personal battleship, the old Apocalypse class Terrastra Draconis. The ship is apparently undocked, maybe in an asteroid field.
She seems to be toying with an amulet of some kind. When she holds it up to the sunlight, it becomes clear that it is a miniature khumaak.
Weird world. Something starts as a symbol of power and faith, and ends up as a symbol of freedom and anarchy.
I'd forgotten I had this. Saki gave it to me for my eighteenth. Must've been one of the few possessions she had, I was really touched...
I've been wondering more and more what happened to her. Hell, what happened to all of the underground crowd. People just sometimes vanished, and they took it in their stride. So I did as well, because... well, that was just how it was for them.
She broods for a while.
Now, looking back, I realise just how much I and every other Khanid and Amarrian just took them for granted. A permanent underclass, and they didn't care, because trying to change it was impossible.
It's funny. The blazing row I had with Cael has made me think. Clearly he loathes slavery in all its forms, and while I still think he's a narrow minded idiot, he might have a point. The old system back home is flawed.
I want to go back home.
She pauses for a time.
Not to stay or anything. But I'm beginning to feel like there's a lot of loose ends, a lot of things I should clear up. Thing is, it's not that safe. I'm sure there are people who would get twitchy over having a known associate of the Cartel poking around. I may not have a Concord record, but that won't matter to everyone.
We'll just have to see, I guess. Inara probably won't be happy, but she'll understand. She always does.
I can't pick up what I left behind. That's gone for good, and I'd have to sacrifice too much to get it back. But abandoning my past isn't the answer. I need to honour it in some way...
She watches the flash of mining lasers for a time, then reaches out.
Recorder off.
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Repentence: Unhappy Returns of the Day
Recorder on, audio feed only.
So that's it. A year.
Another year of life. Twenty. Doesn't sound like much. But here I am, twenty years old, bound literally to the whim of another.
A year since I was kicked out from my comfortable home I lived in, since my mother looked me in the eye and told me not to bother coming back. And now she's back, wanting to tell me something or other...
Not to mention PRELI moving base of operations, and all the admin nightmares inherent in that. And I don't even get to keep my new home... Mortis politely asked to buy it off me, said that with the new command sequence decryption techniques for Serpentis warships, to keep it as a luxury yacht would be criminal. What could I say? That I wanted to be selfish, that I'd rather keep it?
He's right. Not like I can't use the money to get something new that'll actually be a useful mining vessel. The old crate was a bit cramped, anyway. With something new, I can make it as comfortable and spacious as I want.
I haven't even told Inara that it's my birthday today. I wasn't sure I wanted to be reminded of what the last one was like... yeah, it lead me to getting here, but it wasn't a fun journey.
What can I say. It's been a bad day.
Recorder off.
So that's it. A year.
Another year of life. Twenty. Doesn't sound like much. But here I am, twenty years old, bound literally to the whim of another.
A year since I was kicked out from my comfortable home I lived in, since my mother looked me in the eye and told me not to bother coming back. And now she's back, wanting to tell me something or other...
Not to mention PRELI moving base of operations, and all the admin nightmares inherent in that. And I don't even get to keep my new home... Mortis politely asked to buy it off me, said that with the new command sequence decryption techniques for Serpentis warships, to keep it as a luxury yacht would be criminal. What could I say? That I wanted to be selfish, that I'd rather keep it?
He's right. Not like I can't use the money to get something new that'll actually be a useful mining vessel. The old crate was a bit cramped, anyway. With something new, I can make it as comfortable and spacious as I want.
I haven't even told Inara that it's my birthday today. I wasn't sure I wanted to be reminded of what the last one was like... yeah, it lead me to getting here, but it wasn't a fun journey.
What can I say. It's been a bad day.
Recorder off.
Friday, 24 July 2009
Repentence: Blood
Recorder on.
The view is of an old, converted cargo bay that has been turned into a torture chamber, or at least a mockup of one. It is slightly too melodramatic to be real, with an emphasis more on sharp blades and chains than more advanced and effective implements of interrogation. Repentence is sitting against a wall, toying with a chain idly with one hand.
Finally found another camera drone. Got this one off Inara instead of stealing one of my brother's, this time... don't want him eavesdropping on me.
God, it's ages since I recorded anything... so much has happened! Dying, being reunited with Inara, making friends with an AI...
She shrugs vaguely, looking thoughtful and continuing to fiddle with the links.
Probably safe to say that we're being a bad influence on each other, Age and I. But I like her... She feels more approachable than Inara sometimes... we've talked about all kinds of things. And she's made me think about things... like death.
She stands, ambling over to one of the walls and feeling the blade of a knife thoughtfully.
She says that... I don't know. It's hard to put into words. We're all going to die anyway, so why bother being scared about it. Something like that.
She draws a finger slowly along the edge, back and forth.
Between that, and the blood therapy I've been taking... I've been hardening, I guess. I remember being horrified by Inara's record, and for a while it still made me shiver inside. But now I can think about what she's done, about what all the Ghosts have done, and not even flinch. People die all the time...
I don't know if I'd want to kill and threaten for a living, like they do. Probably not, but it doesn't frighten me any more.
The knife breaks the skin, and she draws her finger back quickly, looking at the blood welling up.
Oops.
She sucks on the cut quickly, before looking at it for a while. Then she carefully picks up the knife, and slices along another finger. She brings it to her nose, sniffing gently, and smiles.
Then she realises what she is doing, and drops the knife hurriedly.
Maybe that therapy's gone too far.
I should do something for these...
She reaches out to turn off the camera.
Recorder off.
The view is of an old, converted cargo bay that has been turned into a torture chamber, or at least a mockup of one. It is slightly too melodramatic to be real, with an emphasis more on sharp blades and chains than more advanced and effective implements of interrogation. Repentence is sitting against a wall, toying with a chain idly with one hand.
Finally found another camera drone. Got this one off Inara instead of stealing one of my brother's, this time... don't want him eavesdropping on me.
God, it's ages since I recorded anything... so much has happened! Dying, being reunited with Inara, making friends with an AI...
She shrugs vaguely, looking thoughtful and continuing to fiddle with the links.
Probably safe to say that we're being a bad influence on each other, Age and I. But I like her... She feels more approachable than Inara sometimes... we've talked about all kinds of things. And she's made me think about things... like death.
She stands, ambling over to one of the walls and feeling the blade of a knife thoughtfully.
She says that... I don't know. It's hard to put into words. We're all going to die anyway, so why bother being scared about it. Something like that.
She draws a finger slowly along the edge, back and forth.
Between that, and the blood therapy I've been taking... I've been hardening, I guess. I remember being horrified by Inara's record, and for a while it still made me shiver inside. But now I can think about what she's done, about what all the Ghosts have done, and not even flinch. People die all the time...
I don't know if I'd want to kill and threaten for a living, like they do. Probably not, but it doesn't frighten me any more.
The knife breaks the skin, and she draws her finger back quickly, looking at the blood welling up.
Oops.
She sucks on the cut quickly, before looking at it for a while. Then she carefully picks up the knife, and slices along another finger. She brings it to her nose, sniffing gently, and smiles.
Then she realises what she is doing, and drops the knife hurriedly.
Maybe that therapy's gone too far.
I should do something for these...
She reaches out to turn off the camera.
Recorder off.
Monday, 15 June 2009
Repentence: Time
General transmission, all frequencies. Source: Caldari Navy base, Motsu
Error: frequency jammed, recording (audio only) for later transmission
A panicked voice is heard.
Hello? Hello?
Oh god. Someone. Help me.
Someone's chasing me. I don't know them, but they've... they've shut down the security systems. I'm in the area of the station shut down for maintenance.
There is the sound of a lock trying to cycle, and a whimper.
They're close. Don't know how long the door will hold. Please...
Just. Someone. I've got a little time.
There is the sound of scrambling, and rapid breathing, then the clank of another door closing.
Another lock. That'll be another few minutes. Oh god, why? They shot at me.
A pause, then a whimper.
Oh god... I'm bleeding... my side...
I can't... please, someone help me...
There is a loud thunk, and a scream.
No! Get away! WHAT DID I DO TO -
A gunshot, something very powerful by the sound. There is a scream, and another gunshot. The scream is abruptly cut off.
Recorder off. Unable to transmit, jamming frequency too strong.
Erase message?
Message erased.
System fai-
Error: frequency jammed, recording (audio only) for later transmission
A panicked voice is heard.
Hello? Hello?
Oh god. Someone. Help me.
Someone's chasing me. I don't know them, but they've... they've shut down the security systems. I'm in the area of the station shut down for maintenance.
There is the sound of a lock trying to cycle, and a whimper.
They're close. Don't know how long the door will hold. Please...
Just. Someone. I've got a little time.
There is the sound of scrambling, and rapid breathing, then the clank of another door closing.
Another lock. That'll be another few minutes. Oh god, why? They shot at me.
A pause, then a whimper.
Oh god... I'm bleeding... my side...
I can't... please, someone help me...
There is a loud thunk, and a scream.
No! Get away! WHAT DID I DO TO -
A gunshot, something very powerful by the sound. There is a scream, and another gunshot. The scream is abruptly cut off.
Recorder off. Unable to transmit, jamming frequency too strong.
Erase message?
Message erased.
System fai-
Sunday, 14 June 2009
Repentence: Shattered
Recorder on.
The view is of Repentence's quarters on Echidna's Daughter. Reppy herself is packing her belongings away. She has clearly been crying a great deal. Her voice is uneven as she speaks.
I thought I was in heaven. Hah!
Mortis warned me not to get entangled. Warned me that this place could hurt me, and I... I didn't listen.
Now the two people I thought I could rely on out here... Vince is insane, and Inara...
She gulps air, trying to hold back more tears.
Inara can't and won't protect me from him.
She's already gone somewhere. Couldn't face me any more than I can face her...
She looks at a tear-stained note, rereading it slowly and stifling a sob. Then she throws it aside.
I can't... I won't look for her. I can't bear to speak with her.
I can't bear to hear her choose him over me. If she feels about him the way I feel about her... even if that monster stays loyal to Kelsy... she'd do it. She says I'm the second-most important person in her life after her daughter...
A rebellious tear forms and rolls down a cheek.
I can't make myself believe it.
How can she have feelings for him? She said that they were alike, but it isn't true! She didn't break the bonds of Family... not even when Elysa was threatening me...
She looks around the room slowly.
Probably will never see this place again.
Anger flares in her eyes.
Vincent Pryce. I'll make him pay for this. Somehow...
But... that'll just hurt Inara. I... I don't think I can do that. Even now.
She shakes her head.
No... can't touch Vince... not unless he hurts me again. But no... why would he have a chance? I'm leaving. Not coming back to Goinard if I can help it.
I'll tell Kimochi... something...
She takes hold of the camera, holding it with a dull look on her face, then hurls it violently at the ground. The image goes to static.
The view is of Repentence's quarters on Echidna's Daughter. Reppy herself is packing her belongings away. She has clearly been crying a great deal. Her voice is uneven as she speaks.
I thought I was in heaven. Hah!
Mortis warned me not to get entangled. Warned me that this place could hurt me, and I... I didn't listen.
Now the two people I thought I could rely on out here... Vince is insane, and Inara...
She gulps air, trying to hold back more tears.
Inara can't and won't protect me from him.
She's already gone somewhere. Couldn't face me any more than I can face her...
She looks at a tear-stained note, rereading it slowly and stifling a sob. Then she throws it aside.
I can't... I won't look for her. I can't bear to speak with her.
I can't bear to hear her choose him over me. If she feels about him the way I feel about her... even if that monster stays loyal to Kelsy... she'd do it. She says I'm the second-most important person in her life after her daughter...
A rebellious tear forms and rolls down a cheek.
I can't make myself believe it.
How can she have feelings for him? She said that they were alike, but it isn't true! She didn't break the bonds of Family... not even when Elysa was threatening me...
She looks around the room slowly.
Probably will never see this place again.
Anger flares in her eyes.
Vincent Pryce. I'll make him pay for this. Somehow...
But... that'll just hurt Inara. I... I don't think I can do that. Even now.
She shakes her head.
No... can't touch Vince... not unless he hurts me again. But no... why would he have a chance? I'm leaving. Not coming back to Goinard if I can help it.
I'll tell Kimochi... something...
She takes hold of the camera, holding it with a dull look on her face, then hurls it violently at the ground. The image goes to static.
Sunday, 7 June 2009
Repentence: Wanting
Recorder on.
Reppy is virtually skipping as she moves around her personal quarters on Echidna's Daughter, hunting down a fresh uniform to put on. She looks like she just got up.
I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.
She grins impishly at the camera as she pulls on a shirt.
I've got a life of luxury here on the Daughter that I thought I'd forsaken forever. I've found love in the form of Inara... and I think she loves me, too.
She looks thoughtful for a moment.
I had a nightmare while I was taking an afternoon snooze... I think I must've screamed in my sleep, because she was in the room a few seconds later, surrounded by guards and wielding a sword. I nearly hid under the covers... but the look in her eyes, the little tremor in her voice... she was really scared for my safety.
She stays silent for a few seconds, then begins hunting for clothes again.
And then Kimochi came around...
She almost squeals, then laughs at herself.
Listen to me... pathetic, isn't it? But I guess Inara's been changing the way I think. I'd probably have been horrified a few months ago... but the prospect of promiscuity as a way of life is showing appeal. And Kimmy was a very nice place to start...
Now I'm sounding callous. I like Kimochi a lot, and I want to stay good friends with her. From what Mort has told me, it sounds like she needs a good friend who she can trust...
Why am I justifying myself to my personal diary? I had fun, she had fun, we're all happy. No reason to change that.
She looks annoyed for a moment.
Now I've got to go work... don't want to, but life can't be all fun and games, I guess...
Responsibility sucks. But it's worth it, I guess.
She finishes doing up her belt, and ambles out. A few moments later she hurries back in to turn the camera off.
Recorder off.
Reppy is virtually skipping as she moves around her personal quarters on Echidna's Daughter, hunting down a fresh uniform to put on. She looks like she just got up.
I don't think I've ever been happier in my life.
She grins impishly at the camera as she pulls on a shirt.
I've got a life of luxury here on the Daughter that I thought I'd forsaken forever. I've found love in the form of Inara... and I think she loves me, too.
She looks thoughtful for a moment.
I had a nightmare while I was taking an afternoon snooze... I think I must've screamed in my sleep, because she was in the room a few seconds later, surrounded by guards and wielding a sword. I nearly hid under the covers... but the look in her eyes, the little tremor in her voice... she was really scared for my safety.
She stays silent for a few seconds, then begins hunting for clothes again.
And then Kimochi came around...
She almost squeals, then laughs at herself.
Listen to me... pathetic, isn't it? But I guess Inara's been changing the way I think. I'd probably have been horrified a few months ago... but the prospect of promiscuity as a way of life is showing appeal. And Kimmy was a very nice place to start...
Now I'm sounding callous. I like Kimochi a lot, and I want to stay good friends with her. From what Mort has told me, it sounds like she needs a good friend who she can trust...
Why am I justifying myself to my personal diary? I had fun, she had fun, we're all happy. No reason to change that.
She looks annoyed for a moment.
Now I've got to go work... don't want to, but life can't be all fun and games, I guess...
Responsibility sucks. But it's worth it, I guess.
She finishes doing up her belt, and ambles out. A few moments later she hurries back in to turn the camera off.
Recorder off.
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Repentence: Letters from the Starwyrm
------------
To: Commander Kimochi Rendar, CONCORD Bureau
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
Dear Kimochi
Thank you. When I went to your apartment last night, I was gripped by depression and self-imposed loneliness, all because of a stupid, baseless fear. When I left, I couldn't have been happier.
Mr LaCroix was sweet. When he first came in, I admit that I was faking it, trying to put a brave face on things, but that became genuine. Thank you for introducing us, and even more for paying the bill...
But most of all, you got Inara and I into a room where we could focus on something other than our recent troubles. You let us forget what had been said and felt, and for that, for rescuing me from my own stupidity, you have my eternal gratitude.
If I may, I'd love to come around again sometime to try out the latex... and of course, you must come over to visit us on the Daughter. Perhaps even stay over for some food? I know Inara would be more than happy to play hostess, and even if she's busy, I'm sure she won't mind me showing you around. After all, you are Family.
Speak to you soon!
Yours in gratitude
Reppy
------------
To: Mistress Inara Subaka, Echidna's Daughter
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
Dear Inara
Forgive me for slipping out without warning, but duty called. I'll be back soon, don't worry.
I'm so sorry. I know that I that I must have hurt you when I said that I was leaving. You won't admit it, of course, it's not your way, but I remember your expression when I said it. And I remember the way you scooped me up and held me when I said that I would come back, not letting me go until we got home... can you forgive me for ever doubting you?
Well, I'm sure you can think of some punishment or other if you can't. You're good at those.
I've invited Kimochi over to the Daughter, I hope you don't mind. It seemed like the least I could do after introducing us to her designer. Can't wait to see you in his idea of a whiplash-inducer... I look forward to going out and turning some heads when it all comes through. Maybe a trip to the Gate could be in order?
I'll see you soon, my love.
Eternally yours
Reppy
------------
To: Elysa Varbolt, Sleepless Sentinel c/o Caldari Navy
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
Hey Elysa
Well, you were both right and wrong. Yes, I was a coward. Yes, I didn't want to ask questions in case I didn't like the answers. But you were wrong, I did like the answers.
I think I understand you a little more now. I also know you well enough to envision the scowl that you're wearing when you read this, so I'll leave it at that. Apart from saying that sometimes, you do meet someone that you can rely on.
Inara and I met with Kimochi's (you remember Commander Rendar, right?) designer last night. You should consider a change of wardrobe yourself, do you ever wear anything other than that uniform? I'm sure Mr LaCroix could do marvels for you, assuming you don't shoot him on sight for being Gallente. Honestly, Elysa, I have issues with the race as well, but you need to loosen up! ...and there's the scowl again.
I hope you're going to keep to our deal. You showed me your idea of fun - no, don't deny it! You said you were trying to make me get over my fear of battle, but I remember your expression when you unplugged. You loved it. So next time we meet, I get to show you my idea of a good time. Inara would want you to try something new, wouldn't she? There's more to life than death, Elysa.
Oh, and I heard that you got assigned to work with Kane. Please try to be nice? He's terrified of you after you bit his head off that first evening, and he's Intaki, not pure-blood Gallente...
Yours sincerely
Reppy
------------
To: "A friend"
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
I don't know who you are, what you want with me or how you know me, and that's three good reasons to refuse to go. Either come clean or don't contact me again. I have friends that you do not want to piss off.
Repentence
To: Commander Kimochi Rendar, CONCORD Bureau
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
Dear Kimochi
Thank you. When I went to your apartment last night, I was gripped by depression and self-imposed loneliness, all because of a stupid, baseless fear. When I left, I couldn't have been happier.
Mr LaCroix was sweet. When he first came in, I admit that I was faking it, trying to put a brave face on things, but that became genuine. Thank you for introducing us, and even more for paying the bill...
But most of all, you got Inara and I into a room where we could focus on something other than our recent troubles. You let us forget what had been said and felt, and for that, for rescuing me from my own stupidity, you have my eternal gratitude.
If I may, I'd love to come around again sometime to try out the latex... and of course, you must come over to visit us on the Daughter. Perhaps even stay over for some food? I know Inara would be more than happy to play hostess, and even if she's busy, I'm sure she won't mind me showing you around. After all, you are Family.
Speak to you soon!
Yours in gratitude
Reppy
------------
To: Mistress Inara Subaka, Echidna's Daughter
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
Dear Inara
Forgive me for slipping out without warning, but duty called. I'll be back soon, don't worry.
I'm so sorry. I know that I that I must have hurt you when I said that I was leaving. You won't admit it, of course, it's not your way, but I remember your expression when I said it. And I remember the way you scooped me up and held me when I said that I would come back, not letting me go until we got home... can you forgive me for ever doubting you?
Well, I'm sure you can think of some punishment or other if you can't. You're good at those.
I've invited Kimochi over to the Daughter, I hope you don't mind. It seemed like the least I could do after introducing us to her designer. Can't wait to see you in his idea of a whiplash-inducer... I look forward to going out and turning some heads when it all comes through. Maybe a trip to the Gate could be in order?
I'll see you soon, my love.
Eternally yours
Reppy
------------
To: Elysa Varbolt, Sleepless Sentinel c/o Caldari Navy
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
Hey Elysa
Well, you were both right and wrong. Yes, I was a coward. Yes, I didn't want to ask questions in case I didn't like the answers. But you were wrong, I did like the answers.
I think I understand you a little more now. I also know you well enough to envision the scowl that you're wearing when you read this, so I'll leave it at that. Apart from saying that sometimes, you do meet someone that you can rely on.
Inara and I met with Kimochi's (you remember Commander Rendar, right?) designer last night. You should consider a change of wardrobe yourself, do you ever wear anything other than that uniform? I'm sure Mr LaCroix could do marvels for you, assuming you don't shoot him on sight for being Gallente. Honestly, Elysa, I have issues with the race as well, but you need to loosen up! ...and there's the scowl again.
I hope you're going to keep to our deal. You showed me your idea of fun - no, don't deny it! You said you were trying to make me get over my fear of battle, but I remember your expression when you unplugged. You loved it. So next time we meet, I get to show you my idea of a good time. Inara would want you to try something new, wouldn't she? There's more to life than death, Elysa.
Oh, and I heard that you got assigned to work with Kane. Please try to be nice? He's terrified of you after you bit his head off that first evening, and he's Intaki, not pure-blood Gallente...
Yours sincerely
Reppy
------------
To: "A friend"
From: Apprentice Repentence Tyrathlion, Preta Light Industries cargo hauler Starwyrm
------------
I don't know who you are, what you want with me or how you know me, and that's three good reasons to refuse to go. Either come clean or don't contact me again. I have friends that you do not want to piss off.
Repentence
Friday, 22 May 2009
Repentence: Safety
Recorder on.
Repentence is in her quarters on Echidna's Daughter, sprawled lazily on the bed as usual and looking rather the worse for wear, but nevertheless happy.
I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. All of my pastimes recently seem to involve pain... training with the guards on the Daughter, and of course spending time with the owner...
She smirks, and winces slightly.
I feel better. Emotionally, if not physically. Being out here in lowsec still makes me nervous, and on the bad days, it takes a lot of courage to go out alone. Those are becoming rarer, though. It's not that different from highsec. Just people trying to get by... only difference is, there's a lot more shady types out here. God knows I ran into a few back on Khanid Prime. If it were just me, I'd run back to Empire and hide, but it isn't.
I've got Mortis, however distant the old bastard is. The way he sent Elysa packing must mean that he still cares... and I don't know why I doubted that. I just hope that she stays a long way away. Bitch.
The last word is said with feeling, and she scowls.
Still. She's gone, and nothing more to do with me. I hope.
And I've got Inara. Quite how I ended up in her care, I don't know... let alone how we ended up as lovers.
She pauses.
If that's the right word, which I suspect it isn't. She's so cold sometimes... maybe it's a Caldari thing. We're close, at least. And I trust her.
She laughs.
Yeah, that's a weird thought. I'd trust my life to someone that I met a few weeks ago, someone who played me like a fiddle. But her favourite line about protecting what's hers... well. Again, Caldari thing, I guess. It's good enough for me. She wouldn't betray me. As for her taste in pleasure... I won't deny that it felt uncomfortable, hard to get into the first time. But I'm beginning to get used to it. Almost like normal sex would be just plain boring now.
Now there's another turn-up for the books...
She lies back, then winces again.
Now I just need to work out how to heal the damn training bruises faster...
Recorder off.
Repentence is in her quarters on Echidna's Daughter, sprawled lazily on the bed as usual and looking rather the worse for wear, but nevertheless happy.
I wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. All of my pastimes recently seem to involve pain... training with the guards on the Daughter, and of course spending time with the owner...
She smirks, and winces slightly.
I feel better. Emotionally, if not physically. Being out here in lowsec still makes me nervous, and on the bad days, it takes a lot of courage to go out alone. Those are becoming rarer, though. It's not that different from highsec. Just people trying to get by... only difference is, there's a lot more shady types out here. God knows I ran into a few back on Khanid Prime. If it were just me, I'd run back to Empire and hide, but it isn't.
I've got Mortis, however distant the old bastard is. The way he sent Elysa packing must mean that he still cares... and I don't know why I doubted that. I just hope that she stays a long way away. Bitch.
The last word is said with feeling, and she scowls.
Still. She's gone, and nothing more to do with me. I hope.
And I've got Inara. Quite how I ended up in her care, I don't know... let alone how we ended up as lovers.
She pauses.
If that's the right word, which I suspect it isn't. She's so cold sometimes... maybe it's a Caldari thing. We're close, at least. And I trust her.
She laughs.
Yeah, that's a weird thought. I'd trust my life to someone that I met a few weeks ago, someone who played me like a fiddle. But her favourite line about protecting what's hers... well. Again, Caldari thing, I guess. It's good enough for me. She wouldn't betray me. As for her taste in pleasure... I won't deny that it felt uncomfortable, hard to get into the first time. But I'm beginning to get used to it. Almost like normal sex would be just plain boring now.
Now there's another turn-up for the books...
She lies back, then winces again.
Now I just need to work out how to heal the damn training bruises faster...
Recorder off.
Friday, 8 May 2009
Repentence: Strange Bedfellows
Recorder on.
The view is not of the screen room, nor is it of Mortis. Repentence is slumped back on a bed in a comfortable set of living quarters built in Caldari style, her PRELI uniform abandoned for more casual wear.
Mort's going to kill me if he finds I've stolen one of his camera drones. Let him. He's a multi-billionaire, he can afford to replace one little gadget.
I'm mostly just wondering how I ended up here. And whether it's all been a big mistake.
She waves a hand in the air, and sits up abruptly.
I started out with a few million to my name after I graduated... all of three weeks ago. God, is it really that little time? In that time, I've consorted with pirates, been reunited with my brother, and given access to a nine figure account, with more available on request. And right at this moment, here I am, on the Echidna's Daughter, a Chimera-class carrier, at the request of her commander, who just happens to be a sadist that lured me into her bed.
She considers this statement for a moment.
...metaphorically speaking.
I dread to think what Mortis will say. I can still remember how angry he was when he first saw me out here... but I think I'm only just beginning to understand why. I was nervous, coming out to lowsec to find him, but I didn't really take it all seriously, I guess.
Then I looked up Inara's criminal record, about half an hour ago...
She collapses back again, staring at the ceiling.
I knew she was a criminal, a pirate. I knew that all the Ghosts were. But the scale... the numbers just wouldn't process. Who are we to have the right to snuff out so many lives, and walk away laughing every time ourselves? The immortal, godlike capsuleer, the arbiter of fate for thousands of lives.
She grimaces.
I've only got a few dozen people on retainer, purely for managing cargo and suchlike, but when I start expanding into larger ships, I know that number's going to rise. And some day, I'm going to get caught, and people will die. And I won't. I'll just walk away, and get a new ship, and it won't matter.
Now I understand why my arrogant asshole of a brother, Purity, went on such long tirades about capsuleers and their view on warfare. He was a bastard, but he knew the value of lives. Probably doing well for himself in the Khanid navy.
How many capsuleers really understand what they control and are responsible for? It's insane.
That Brutor thug that unwittingly sent me on this path - don't even remember his name now - seemed like the height of criminality and rebellion once. Now I see that he was just a loudmouth, too stupid to keep a low profile in the heart of Empire space. Now I'm up around real criminals...
And it scares me. I don't know what to do.
She lies still for a while, then raises a hand and flicks a remote control.
Recorder off.
The view is not of the screen room, nor is it of Mortis. Repentence is slumped back on a bed in a comfortable set of living quarters built in Caldari style, her PRELI uniform abandoned for more casual wear.
Mort's going to kill me if he finds I've stolen one of his camera drones. Let him. He's a multi-billionaire, he can afford to replace one little gadget.
I'm mostly just wondering how I ended up here. And whether it's all been a big mistake.
She waves a hand in the air, and sits up abruptly.
I started out with a few million to my name after I graduated... all of three weeks ago. God, is it really that little time? In that time, I've consorted with pirates, been reunited with my brother, and given access to a nine figure account, with more available on request. And right at this moment, here I am, on the Echidna's Daughter, a Chimera-class carrier, at the request of her commander, who just happens to be a sadist that lured me into her bed.
She considers this statement for a moment.
...metaphorically speaking.
I dread to think what Mortis will say. I can still remember how angry he was when he first saw me out here... but I think I'm only just beginning to understand why. I was nervous, coming out to lowsec to find him, but I didn't really take it all seriously, I guess.
Then I looked up Inara's criminal record, about half an hour ago...
She collapses back again, staring at the ceiling.
I knew she was a criminal, a pirate. I knew that all the Ghosts were. But the scale... the numbers just wouldn't process. Who are we to have the right to snuff out so many lives, and walk away laughing every time ourselves? The immortal, godlike capsuleer, the arbiter of fate for thousands of lives.
She grimaces.
I've only got a few dozen people on retainer, purely for managing cargo and suchlike, but when I start expanding into larger ships, I know that number's going to rise. And some day, I'm going to get caught, and people will die. And I won't. I'll just walk away, and get a new ship, and it won't matter.
Now I understand why my arrogant asshole of a brother, Purity, went on such long tirades about capsuleers and their view on warfare. He was a bastard, but he knew the value of lives. Probably doing well for himself in the Khanid navy.
How many capsuleers really understand what they control and are responsible for? It's insane.
That Brutor thug that unwittingly sent me on this path - don't even remember his name now - seemed like the height of criminality and rebellion once. Now I see that he was just a loudmouth, too stupid to keep a low profile in the heart of Empire space. Now I'm up around real criminals...
And it scares me. I don't know what to do.
She lies still for a while, then raises a hand and flicks a remote control.
Recorder off.
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